Goodnight

I stayed in his arms feeling the warm being passed to me. The night was quiet only the whistles of the wind bounced off the walls in the room. I was huddled up to his chest as i felt his warm breath against the back of my neck. We were two friends who enjoyed each others company a little to much as some may say. However, to us, it seemed normal. It was home.
I still wonder how we got to this. How it ended up with me in tears and him holding me tighter than ever to tell me that things will be better. It felt as if pins and needles were placed in my heart, like when your foot falls asleep.

If I try to remember, he spoke aloud about us seeing others, him more specifically. Didn't hurt. He stroked my arm up and down.

"This cant continue, once that happens."

Does that hurt me? No.

"Do you like anyone?"

My head went straight to the waiter I saw at that one restaurant. He was cute. Jet black hair, tall, a cute smile, eyes the color of deep blue. Only by his looks was I hooked. I wanted to give him my number. I wanted to say hey lets be together. But I heard the same words repeat every time. "In the end we wont be together." I didn't want to hear it again. I looked at the waiter the last time knowing, he'll be happier without me in his life.
I came back to the moment at hand and just shook my head in disagreement.

"Why not?"

My heart was screaming in pain. Do you hear it?
If I were to speak what was in my heart I'd say, "I am in love with YOU! I can't help it! No matter how hard I try, how hard I want to run and say I am done. I just cant. The thought of you with another girl, makes me scared. Makes me scared in how I'd react. How my state of being would take it. Realize this and this alone. I want you to be happy. I want to see you smiling as much as you possibly can. If knowing that another girl can do that, I shall bow my head and leave. Inside I'll be even more shattered than I am now. I'm glad you have moved past this. I'm glad you see a special girl. I enjoy seeing that goofy smile when you speak of her. I know I'll be officially replaced. I cant fight for this anymore. It is my own fault that I let you go. That I didn't fight. I can't. Not in this life. Not in this world.
"I just haven't found anyone to like."

Silence.

I turned my back to him. Silently wept in hope that he doesn't notice. Stay strong. You aren't like this. Stop crying! He knew something was wrong. He dabbed his thumb at the corner of my eye and found a tear. He turned me back to him. My heart was shrived up. I practically have locked my heart from the world. I continue to act as if there is no more room for anyone else, when really loneliness has taken over. I shut my eyes in hope for the tears to stop. I began to breath in slowly and drift off into slumber. The last thing I remember before I am gone was

"I'm Sorry," a kiss to the forehead, "Goodnight."